Your Melanin Is Worth It!

 

Dear Black Girl,

Young and old, Your. Melanin. Is. Worth. It. You are worth all life has to offer. The pigmentation of your skin does not determine who you are, who you will be, and where you'll end up in life. This is an open letter, expressing what it feels like to be a Black Woman, period! I am a Black Girl, that will always feel like an outsider in society, no matter how successful I will be. We live in a world where, Black Women are unrepresented in various settings of life. Somehow we are "trained" to accept this unorthodox parody. Women in general, face so many adversities in society, and what's worse is that Black Women are often ignored, forgotten, and mistreated; and no one seems to care. The advocacy of Women's Rights was not created equally. When it boils down to issues pertaining to Women of Color, there is no advocacy readily available. When a Black Woman is missing or murdered, there is very little news coverage or black faces posted on flyers to spread awareness. Where did society go wrong with this?

The stereotypical opinions of Black Women have been planted like seeds, since slavery, and not much has changed, even in 2017. Black Women are never given a fair chance at life without criticism from the outside world. The exploitation of the Black Woman is very real. Black Women are often viewed as unfeminine, hyper-sexualized, bad mothers, angry, non-marriage material, and the list can go on. The bottom line is, when you do not defend women in general, you are not in defense for your daughters, wives, mothers, sisters, etc. The comments, opinions, jokes, and criticism, which often at times, are given by the men we call Brothers. The Black Man, is just as responsible for the demise of the black woman and the black family; as much as society is responsible for racism.

Black Women are awesome,  and society does not give us enough credit for what we have to contribute to the world. If you're a woman of color, you are worth REPRESENTATION in society. It does not matter how you look, how you dress, you how speak, or where you come from. You should never feel silenced by your own culture or the outside world. You can accomplish great things. Everything you do, should be done with swagger and a smile. Black Girl Magic is real, and coconut oil really glows. If you can't sit with them, create your own seat at the damn table!

Image Credit: E! Online / Kevin Winter/Getty Images for NARAS (Beyoncé, Grammys 2017)

Edited on November 29, 2017 for clarity and accuracy.

Embracing the Curl You're In

Today, Shea Moisture the popular natural-inspired beauty brand, release a controversial product commercial video, many women with curly hair were not pleased with... As a Black woman with curly hair, I do not understand why many are upset by this video. Shouldn't ALL Women have the right to embrace their natural beauty and the skin they're in? The reason why I purchase Shea Moisture products, is not because I'm Black, it's because their products do not contain harmful ingredients are natural and organic, and better for my body. When Shea Moisture first started their, now world-wide business, they did appeal to Women of Color however, Women of Color are not the only ones on this planet with textured hair. I may be in the minority however, I stand with Shea Moisture's decision to market their products to ALL Women. If you support different causes such as, Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter, #LoveWins, and many others, how can you not support all women of different races, cultures, and ethnic backgrounds with curly hair?

Photo | Video Credit: Shea Moisture (Facebook page) and YouTube Video found here.

This post was edited on May 11, 2017 for clarity and accuracy. 

Gender Roles? Men, Women, and the Black Community

It never occurred to me how divided men and women are in society. In High School girls and boys were not 'equal' however, the division between both sexes were not as significant as I experienced in my mid-20s. Growing up as a young (black) girl it was perceived that girls were naturally smarter than boys from my upbringing. Boys were not required to study efficiently to obtain good grades. In school girls were expected to obtain good grades, learn how to perform domestic duties, and how to behave around men and society. Fast forwarding to 2014, much of what I observed as a young girl still holds true to this day. I was taught I could do anything, as long as it was in accordance with society. I was always told by my mother that a woman has to work twice as hard as a man, in order to 'make it' in life. I believe this statement is true. I found myself in many situations, where I am in a male dominated environment and I'm expected to 'prove myself'. I feel that I can do anything a man can. I am willing to raise the bar and push the envelope and go after whatever my mind, body, and soul desires.

Women are more than mothers, wives, sisters, girlfriends, sexual-beings, etc. Should women have the right to express themselves freely in every sense of the word? Hell yes! Women are often expected to act, dress, feel and respond in a certain manner, in order to comply with the the rules of society. This is simply unfair! Sheryl Sandberg once said "I want every little girl who's told she's bossy, to be told instead she has leadership skills" (Sandberg, 2013). If a woman is a little aggressive, more successful, or direct, she can be perceived as being mean, cold, or bitter in some circumstances. In my personal life, I tend to leave people in awe when they learn I'm not just 'cute', 'sweet', and 'innocent'. I may appear that way on the outside however, I tend to utilize my Oedipus complex daily. I know I can get any job done just as good (or better) than any man, or person for that matter. It can be very cryptic for both women to openly accept a woman that rebels against her given role in society.

The femininity of any women is held accountable and is often questioned by society. I have been reading Dr. Angela Y. Davis's book Women, Race, & Class, and there are many social, economic, and political issues women, not just black women face as a whole throughout history. As a black woman, I feel that my race is always under the most scrutiny. Black women and women are the most divide, not just as a race of people but culturally and socially as well. What irks me the most is the lack of support or defense from Black men supporting their own women. I feel that Black women virtually have little to no advocates on their behave. During slavery, Black women were dehumanized through the use of rape. In Dr. Angela Y. Davis's book, she states "slave women were inherently vulnerable to all forms of sexual coercion. If the most violent punishments of men consisted in floggings and mutilations, women were flogged and mutilated, as well as raped" (Davis, 1981). In Davis book, she brings up the issue of Black men not being able to stand up for themselves, their women, and families due to the nature of slavery. Many of the underlying issues in the black community are still present today and stem from slavery.

I find that as a Black woman, Black men and women are as opposite and unequal as night and day. Black women are often perceived as outspoken and non-submissive in the Black community. Black women tend to earn more than their Black male counterparts and often play both gender roles in single parent households. Black women are sometimes seen as 'over-sexualized' beings by their own men and other races of men. When I entered the 'real' world, after college, I experienced a reasonable amount of sexual harassment in various environments. I felt because I was targeted as Black woman. I also felt my race and gender, gave any man of any race to talk to me in any manner they wished by default. I found this experience to be very unfair. I never spoke up about my experiences because I was afraid of being stereotyped of seeking male attention or expressing over-sexualized behavior. I will state this again, a Black woman has no advocates for any issues or grievances she is experiencing throughout society or within her own subculture.

I learned as a young woman, it is acceptable by my standards to NOT to comply with the norms of society. I should not be required to get married, bare children, or submit to a man without it willing be my choice. I can dress and speak in any way I choose. My choices and actions should not be made in fear of offending a man or pleasing a man without pleasing myself first. My personality or thoughts should not be tailored to society or my subculture. Gender roles should not make anyone feel as if they need to fit into a square box, called society.

References:

Bort, J. (2013). The most 10 controversial things Sheryl Sandberg just said about women. Business 
Insider.  Link: http://www.businessinsider.com/sandberg-controversial-quotes-2013-3 

Davis, A. (1981). Women, Race, & Class. New York: Random House.

Hair Update (Closed) FYI I did not straighten my hair please see next hair post!

Lately, I've been on the fence about straightening my hair. It was fun rocking twist/braid outs. However, both resulted in me having horrible single strand knots and split ends. Come again? Yes I said it,
S P L I T  E N D S!!!! When I first began my hair journey, I had a significant amount a split ends. I assumed it was the relaxers that were drying my hair out. I feel like I'm back at square one with my hair. I came to the conclusion, that split ends cannot be prevented, whether you use heat on your hair or not. I also have been bored lately with styling my hair. My hair has been very dry as well for the past 2 weeks. I am in no way, shape, or form saying I'm going back to relaxers. I'm doing just fine without them. I am borderline considering keeping my hair straight while transitioning. I know some may recommend that this is a bad idea, but I will try this concept out. At this point, it's just HAIR! I love versatility.

Going natural or being natural does not mean you should place limitations on what you can and cannot do with your hair. My opinion may change days or weeks from now. I may want my hair curly after a day or two from wearing it straight. Who know! I just want healthy hair that is retaining length. I was retaining length when I began transitioning, but my hair is taking a step backwards because of the knots and spit ends. I am planning on straightening my hair this weekend with the lowest heat possible to get the job done. I also need a protein treatment and a serious trim. Now I can confess, since I began transitioning, I only done a protein treatment maybe once or twice (bad I know). The lack of protein for my relaxed ends, could be the cause for the split ends. I feel, everyone is entitled to a little change every now and then.

I only used heat on my hair twice since I began transitioning. I take great precaution when it comes to using any form of heat on my hair. I like to air dry my roller sets and do a blow out on my roots only. I'm leery of flat irons because they make my hair very dry. I will try flat ironing my roots only this weekend because I would like to wear my hair straight for at least 10 days to 2 weeks. I plan on picking up a new shampoo on Friday because I don't have an shampoos that contains sulfates. I want my hair squeaky clean prior to straightening. I'm thinking about picking up the Herbal Essences Hydralicious shampoo and conditioner tomorrow. They're not "CG" friendly nor do they contain all natural or organic ingredients. Therefore, I don't know when I'll be back on my regular regimen. I will share my results over the weekend or next week.

Why I'm Transitioning to Natural Hair?

One of the most debatable topics there is among the African-American community is 'Natural' vs. 'Relaxed' hair. I think most multicultural people, have been brainwashed to accept the Eurocentric standards of beauty. I think beauty comes in all forms, shapes, sizes, and people. As a young black woman, I think embracing my culture is a reflection of my personality. For the past two years, I have been struggling back and forth between transitioning to natural hair and going back to relaxers. This year, I was pretty much sick and tired of all the prissy high-maintenance, hair-damage-drama, and the price tag of relaxers.

I remember back in High School, all I wanted was long flowing, silky, and straight hair. I watched the success girls at my high school had from the result of relaxers. I even began spending my entire Saturday mornings/afternoons at Dominican hair salons. My hair didn't thrive well even though my hair had week to week salon treatments. My hair always had it's ups and downs with relaxers (more downs than ups).  My hair barely grew past shoulder length but it retained thickness, body, and shiny. In college, I learned more about Black hair care. I slowly began to learn that the chemicals were damaging my hair. The chemicals from receiving relaxers, did not allow my hair to grow in a healthy state. Back in 2009/2010, my hair suffered great damage from a bad relaxer. Most of my hair at the back portion and nape completely broke off down the the scalp! That was such a stressful period in my life. My damage began to grow out at the end of 2010/2011 but it still wasn't healthy enough. I began researching hair damage and reading enough I could about Black hair care. My mother began to think I was putting too much emphasis into my hair. I didn't care what anyone thought, I was on a mission for having healthier hair.

During my research, I came across many blogs that recommend product reviews for natural hair products geared towards Black or Multicultural people. The products by Shea Moisture kept popping up everywhere. Luckily, I had a Target within driving distance in my neighborhood. The first product I tried from that line was the Shea Moisture Coconut and Hibiscus Curl and Style Milk. Boy, did I fall in L-O-V-E!!! This product delivered everything I wanted and more to my hair. My hair was no longer dry and crunchy feeling. I tossed my Organic Roots Stimulator Hair Lotion in the garbage and never looked back since. Shea Moisture's products remain a staple in my current hair care regimen today. My favorite products are the Coconut and Hibiscus Curl and Style Milk (short orange bottle, also mentioned above), and the Organic Raw Shea Butter, Deep Treatment, which I like to use as a deep conditioner and styler.

Karen's Body Beautiful was another great choice that helped my hair get back on track. I literally went bananas, and had a shopping spree once I was finished with a sample pack I decided to try out first. What had me hooked on KBB was the enticing variety of scents you could choose from. My favorite scent of all time is 'Vanilla Latte'. It reminds me of my favorite drink at Starbucks which none the less is... a Tall Vanilla Latte! KBB products are indescribable for me. Her products just work for my hair. I never had a bad hair day using her products yet! My favorite products are (some are not exact product names) the shampoo bar for dry, thirsty hair, Sweet Ambrosia (Hair Milk), Butter Love (like a pomade for the hair, I use this on my scalp twice a week), Heavenly Jojoba Oil, and the Luscious Locks Hair Mask.

Now time to get into the nitty gritty... Why I have chosen to go natural? This question is short sweet and simple. I like to express myself. I find that textured/curly hair works best for me. I feel sexier, confident, daring, cute, sweet, etc, when my hair has the appearance of looking 'natural'. I have spent too many years trying to manipulate my hair into looking and behaving as something it was never meant to do. I'm not knocking anyone with straight hair whether it's natural, relaxed, flat ironed, weaved, etc. If you look fly and it works for you, then DO YOU! Going natural is something I feel is long over due in my life. I never asked or wanted to have a chemical relaxer placed on my beautiful hair as a child at 13/14 years old.

I think my hair can become healthier without the chemicals. Currently, I wear my hair mostly in braid outs or buns. Before I ended a long relaxer stretch which I tried my hardest to transition, I was doing too much to my hair. Flat ironing was too much on my fine hair strands. A lot of manipulation, had led me right back to relaxing (SMH). But now I have chosen to get off the 'creamy crack' for good. Now I'm saying DUECES!!! to my hair stylist too! I don't think textured hair can take away from a person's beauty or make them undesirable. I think there's too much time, money, and propaganda spent dictating to Black Women. The media has told us too long how we should look, dress, act, and behave. I refuse to let society down play my ethnicity and tell me what I should do with myself and my hair. I'm too much of an outspoken and free-spirited individual. I don't time to listen to  the woes of society.

If you embody confidence, creativity, style, and sass, then honey you will be just as beautiful with your hair in it's natural state. At the end of the day what works for some isn't going to work for all. Some people praise women for having natural hair or are in the transitioning process. Meanwhile, some still look down upon hair that isn't chemically straightened or weaved. I know people have their own preference but to say you don't like natural hair when you're a black person is some... ish to me! That's a whole other issue that's just ridiculous. I'm not going natural for political reasons, to piss anyone off (negative family members, friends, strangers, etc), or to be Afrocentric (which isn't a bad thing). I'm simply doing this for me! I commend all women who are natural or transitioning like myself. Excuse my french, but you can most certainly be a bad b*tch with some gorgeous natural hair!!! Wanting or a having natural hair should never make you feel less than a woman, undesirable, ugly, etc. When you find out what works for you and your hair, nobody should tell you otherwise!